Snow brings forth memories.
LonelyI'm at my dad's this weekend before leaving to England for a month.
I stepped outside and realised it was quietly snowing. The snow crackled under my feet and piled against the soles of my shoes, making it look (and feel) like I was walking on snowshoes. Literally.
I stood in silence for a long time, listening the falling of the snow, feeling it melt on my upturned face. I got a melancholy longing for my old friends in England, my memories awakening.
I suddenly had a memory of a night at the Pioneer youth club.. it was a gig-night, we were standing outside in small groups. And this boy, he was about 5 years younger than me and a brother of a friend of a friend. He came up to me, and handed me a tape, a smile on his face. "I recorded this Blink 182 for you." Then he went.
Another memory, of a first conversation I had with someone from college. I remembered the look on his face, and the smile as he waved a bye before he left.
Next one, when I saw moose the first time in my life. I was about 4 or 5, sitting on the front seat of my mom's car. They were a moose family, three of them in the middle of the road. Mom stopped meters from them, I stretched up on my seat as far as I could and the seatbelt would allow. Clapped my hands and smiling called them monsters. (In finnish, moose is 'hirvi' and monster is 'hirviö' - you can see the similarity there)
I remembered the feeling I had when I was betrayed for the first time. The feeling when I fell in love for the first time. And when my heart truly broke for the first time. The feeling when I had to let go of a friend, an important friend who I've shared many ups and downs with, who I think just won't see the forest from the trees.
I remembered alot of things then.
Don't know why I'm typing all this - maybe it's because I had a moment of peace in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of silence and snow.
I miss people. And I cannot wait for the moment I can see them again. -smile- And at the same time, I'm still feeling the pain in my chest for things and people I've had to let go of.
Sounds like a horrid cliche, but I have my memories, that's a comforting thought.
Living in a world without you.
Rie x
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